Poland The Greatest Non-American Country Ever.
Poland is a Country you should all feel accompanied to. For Poland is country of action history. Not some fancy-shmancy guy who built something, like Denmark… or China. Poland had dragons that terrorized civilians, and stories about castles that originated from that. If anyone asks what the greatest story of all is, it’s the one about the medieval farmer. I heard about this one in Krakow, Poland. This legend is about a secret hero who out-smarted a big dragon who ate almost all of his sheep. This farmer was mad at the dragon, but he was too weak to fight it you see, so he took one of his remaining sheep, slaughtered it and stuffed it full of explosives. When the dragon saw the plump sheep he swooped down, swallowed it and quickly blew up from the heat inside its belly igniting the explosives. The farmer was recognized as a great hero. A statue to the great dragon was displayed outside the castle at that time’s front door. The statue was then affixed with a fuel-powered flamethrower for the real dragon-like affect. When people at that time were fighting these creatures a young man named Copernicus was in his room considering the 6 known planets’ and the sun’s gravitational mass and pull. He soon discovered that it was impossible for everything to revolve around the tiny Earth from its small gravitational pull. So he concluded that the Earth and all the other planets revolved around the biggest and most gravitational pull-able thing seen in the sky, the Sun. Of course at that time people wouldn’t agree with a blabbering 20-ish year old so the majority of the town called him crazy all the time. He died with everyone calling him a loon, but not long after his death, it was proved that the Earth revolved around the sun. Now who’s being laughed at. Go Copernicus! Go Copernicus! Go Copernicus! Also without the discovery we’d probably be where we were 10 years ago astronomy-wise, with the shuttle explosions, the not so strong weather balloons, poorer forecasts on the news, etc.
Nickolaus Copernicus
(Told by: Charles, A 15-Year-Old Boy)
Nicolaus Copernicus is a man who thought of the crazy idea that the Earth and all the other planets revolved around the sun. Now I, just a simple towns person’s son, thinks that he has been to the pub a little too often. We simple mammals have known that the Earth has been the center of everything, and yet that loon assumes that the Earth is now not? I won’t believe his lie, for just saying the sun has such more gravitational pull that it pulls the Earth around it sounds really- actually, it seems pretty probable! But, of course if I agree with him I’ll probably be laughed at and tormented. Oh dear, what to do. Well, anyways Copernicus is now relatively old at the age of 70, and we just hope he dies soon. Oh no, I hear my parents coming down the road! “Yeah, the old loon we spotted up in that tower yelling all those lies have died.” “Really? That’s good because no one wants to listen to him.” “Indeed. Now let’s continue looking for our son.” “Charles! Charles?” “Where are you young man?” …I think they’re gone. Well anyways, like I was saying Copernicus is old at the age of 70. And he- wait just a moment, did they say Copernicus died? Oh no, the only reason I came out here was to talk to him about this nonsense, now there’s no one to prove he could be right, for now that is.
The Dragon Statue
(Told by: Kristoff Romanovich, The farmer.)
I‘ve seen nearly everything in the years that I have lived but never have I seen such a disgustingly ferocious dragon before in my entire life. This thing is a menace. It has burned down ¾ of our fair town just to find some food and yet its sill hungry. Well I surely will not take it any more! I will kill the dragon! But alas, I cannot, for I, an old farmer, am too weak to fight. But I can kill it anyways! I’ll stuff one of my sheep with dynamite and put it in the field. The dragon can’t resist! But it’ll be a while before the dragon comes to ravage this part of the field. The lonely farmer waited over a month for the dragon to come, and he almost gave up all hope. Almost. That was until a small boy in his village spotted the dragon to the north. Yes! He’s here in Krakow! But how will I lure him. The farmer told everyone to throw their meat and old food into a wagon, which he carried through town until the aroma of dying rotting meat and bread was everywhere. The dragon followed the smell until he spotted the lumpy and delicious sheep. The Dragon of Krakow is no more, for I, a mere farmer, have slayed the dragon! Today we celebrate the defeat of the dragon with a small but humble statue in its terror, I mean... honor.
